I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is my gift to your gina
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
