Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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