we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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