my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
