The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
