ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's blow job season.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
