her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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