god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
