Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize