so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
