when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
