hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
