o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I will pee on everything he values.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
