Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
