u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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