You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
