I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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