This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it hurts more in the daytime
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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