Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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