singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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