oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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