just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Mom said you looked used
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
