it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
