Well douche your snatch and let's go!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
