Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
