Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
