I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
