Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
