Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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