OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
