New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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