Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
