remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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