Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
