How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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