i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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