my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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