is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
organizing the empties. That sober.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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