I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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