I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
