I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think my vagina is haunted
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
