Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
