I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
