i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
