I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
