help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
