I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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