Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
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There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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