I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
