Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
