cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize