i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
