It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
