I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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