i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
