I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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