Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
