I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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