eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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