when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
