Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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