I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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