Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
