He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
