guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You made out with two different species that night
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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