I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize