Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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