is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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