how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
