Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
